23, taking a break from school, part time job i hate, everything seems to be leading back to one point in time that disrupts all of my paths. I have lost all direction, no motivation. I don't really show on the outside, i trap it in until the lights go out. When the lights are out i feel totally free and comfortable, able to show the emotion and weakness. its weird getting comfort from total insecurity. Its a total crime what I do to myself mentally. I always tell myself, tomorrow is a new day, start of a new life. Ive become a pretty good lie.. My life consists of waiting.. that one person is supposed to come to me right? I never had to go out and get before... I not one to throw myself in the light and take chances. I want the security of sharing a life with someone so bad, i don't know what is stopping me from going out and getting it. Its a hard funk to get out of and definitely not a short process. I have felt the brightness of life, and the dark...i need that light back.. its crazy, 5 years ago i would have thought college would be in the past and i would be growing old with someone, and its still something i would love to accomplish. But my accomplishments always came from other peoples motivation. And i just dont have it anymore. I am definently ready to get out of the dark, springs almost here ...perfect timing.